Enjoying Being Alive

September is suicide prevention month and, for some survivors of trauma, this mental health challenge is a very real thing. For those who are struggling, reach out and ask for help. Here is the suicide prevention line: Call 988.

My own abuse early and later in life, quite honestly, robbed me of a thirst for living for many decades. I wasn't aware of it, but I was number, like a Zombie. On the outsiide, I was doing everything I was suppose to; I was a good girl. But, for many many years, fantasized in my private life about escaping any way possible.

After being honest with myself, I decided to get rid of everything that wasn't working for me. Everything. And thus began the return to myself. After many years of intentionally healing with traditional and nontraditional practices, I now look back with some sadness as to how many years I was always wishing to "go away".

Yet, the decision to not give up on myself (even though many people did) year after year after year after year - served to be the courage muscle I was exercising. Every day COMMITTED to not being the story my past definied me as or the version other people wanted me to be.

They call that freedom, autonomy, authenticity, resilance. My healing journey gave me my life back; and it was worth every ounce of commitment to myself.

This painting isn't anything Picasso; but, it does say to me, "vibrancy". Every day is choice celebrate my strengths, and give myself grace in the journey unfolding.

I am alive and, most importantly, I want to be.