It's Always Hard to Write About

Trigger Warning: 8

Crisis Support: Dial 988

There is no shame in needing a helping hand; it's actually a sign of your commitment to your own personal growth.

It's that time of year again, National Suicide Prevention Month;

and I can never really find the words to describe why I - Georgia Reash - attempted suicide at the age of 40, twenty-four years ago.

At its simplest, the brief story is..... my poor mental health practices (denying my feelings and needs) of dozens of years (and the lies I told myself about the false securities in my life) all caught up with me, as the did the trauma from my past.

Things happened to me as a young and teenage girl. I did not tell the depth of these stories to anyone - even my parents and good friends, whom I trusted the most. Stories happened to me and they had a voice.

This painting, entitled The Hidden Face of Violence, was my first painting, part of the Metamorphosis Collection, and sums it all up: I was distorted in my sense of who I was; and I needed to find me. My attempted suicide was my turning point experience and it was time for me to "get rid of everything in my life that wasn't working" --- inside and out. From trauma-born beliefs to toxic karmic relationships - I had to grow up and heal.

The older I get, the more convinced I am that the majority of people have major crossroads experiences, like I had. However, the sad thing is, not everyone survives a suicide attempt as I did - and has the chance to start over.

My new book, I Want Good Sex: Reclaiming Your Sensuality After Living with Abuse, Assault or Stupid Meanies, gives some details about my suicide attempt. I know I am lucky. And even more, I was Called.

As fate would have it - I had a powerful supernatural experience that changed my life and set me on the committed trajectory of getting well. I REALLY NEEDED to get my shite together, and the issues out of my tissues.

Twenty four years later, I feel well. And it's been a fricking journey of magnitude proportions. But, I feel really really really well. And this little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.

Feeling well in mind, body and spirit is the healing goal of anyone who has had a traumatic experience. Feeling well --- and wanting to be alive --- is the healing journey gift.

Suicide ideation is when you think about wanting to die a lot. If you have this re-occurring thought, please dial 988 or call a professional or trusted friend. There are amazing groups on Youtube and - most importantly - remember that you are more than your trauma experience.

HEALING STEPS MATTER

This past year, I had the opportunity to provide Reiki energy healing services to several clients who had recently experienced sexual assault (within the past 6 months). How brave of these women to take their healing into their own hands immediately to shed the energetic trail of trauma.

In my book, any healing step a victim takes is a loud and valiant, "F*CK YOU IF YOU THINK YOUR ENERGY IS GOING TO HANG AROUND IN MY BODY OR MIND".

As it is with all of my Reiki sessions, energetic clearings take place and the body remembers its natural state of peace. Releasing the tension of trauma experiences is important to healing on many levels. We must remind our minds and our bodies that we are safe.

During our post-session discussions, I reminded them of the power of the totality of their lives.

That that the span of their entire life (427,200 hours if you are 50 years old) is ---

"the span of your entire life is so much more than the the 5 minutes or 5 hours or 5 days your attacker took from you. And even those will be transmuted and reborn every time you put your health and happiness as your first priority.

You are perpetually expansive life energy and your greatest justice is your healing and empowerment".

Today, I still grieve seeing young people in pain as a result of their trauma experiences. Which is why we tell our stories, is it not? To help others on their way? More than every before, young people need real life guidance; which is why I advocate for the normalization and teaching of good mental health practices in the home, workplace and community.

In truth, I must admit, that the grief of my suicide attempt does still sting sometimes. When I reflect on it, I feel grief for myself and specifically that little girl and woman who lost so many years living a lie, unhappy and not being authentic.

And I guess, in truth, that all of my paintings and poetry and community events are just my own way of trying to "get back" the decades of life that I lost due to the pain I experienced in innocence, and give hope to those who understand that same loss. I grieve, sometimes, for all of us.

Helping people heal, feel accepted and see their beauty within is the suicide prevention medicine the planet needs.